It had all been explained by the nurse at the counselling session: two sperm samples are required a fortnight apart

It had all been explained by the nurse at the counselling session: two sperm samples are required a fortnight apart. “Because it is important they are not contaminated, I’m afraid they have to be produced by masturbation,” she explained. There is a reservoir of sperm that must be exhausted before the effect of the vasectomy is total. “You should make love on a regular basis,” advised the nurse, in order to speed the process. That cuts out the rockery and waterbed, I suppose.She handed me two specimen bottles with an address to return them to at the beginning of April. A specially designed clamp holds, punctures and snips, then two stitches and the whole thing was done.It will now take up to five months before we can bid farewell to the contraceptive pills.

By the time he had told me that some of his patients actually believed that, he had done the boy half and was finding vas number two for the girls. I should, for the purposes of writing a diligently researched piece, have been watching closely at that stage, but instead lay back and chatted somewhat nervously with the surgeon about Aristotle’s view that one testicle produces boy babies and the other girls. The surgeon finds the vas and manoeuvres it to the front of the scrotum (which I had shaved, very carefully, the night before). She also stressed the essential irreversibility of the operation – only about 50 per cent of attempted reversals succeed and if left too long, there is no chance of success at all. Was I certain, she asked, that even if the worst were to happen I would not want to have another child? I was certain.The operation – a fortnight later in my case – took less than 15 minutes under local anaesthetic. If deliberate, it would have been a brilliant psychological ploy to give us a last chance to change our minds, but the true explanation was less devious: across the hall from the vasectomies is the fertility clinic.The nurse interviewed us to make sure we knew what we were doing and were aware of the risks – a recent study claims considerably higher death rates from testicular cancer in vasectomised males who are over 75, though whether there is a causal connection is a matter of considerable debate.

A vasectomy, he warned, while perfectly safe and simple, can damage a man’s psychological well-being. Not as much as an unwanted pregnancy, I thought, but I agreed that it was wise to wait a few months to be certain that my wife would not change her mind about not wanting any more children.She didn’t, so I decided, after 36 months, that it was time to be brave.The GP this time was less discouraging (though I am sure his legs became progressively more tightly crossed as he explained the details to me). But he thought it wasn’t available on the NHS, and he was unsure how to make the necessary arrangements. Three phone calls later, however, he discovered that the Margaret Pyke centre, just off Tottenham Court Road, had a deal with the Islington and Bloomsbury Health Authorities to perform vasectomies on the NHS.A month later, my wife and I arrived there for the counselling session They insisted on speaking to both of us. They left us alone together in a waiting room with a noticeboard full of pictures of mothers and babies. Fifteen years on the pill and two trips to the maternity ward were enough Now it was my turn.
That was three years ago Well, as our GP had said, it’s not good to rush such things.

Anyway, apart from my purely etymological objections to mixing Latin and Greek roots, I agreed that a vasectomy was, in principle, a good idea. The vas (from the Latin for vessel) is the tube bearing (deferens – present participle of deferentio, I bear) sperm from the testes towards the world outside; and the -ectomy (Greek: ek, out; tome, cut) snips a bit out of their escape route. The idea of taking a knife to my vas deferens was originally my wife’s (it’s usually the woman who suggests the operation, said the nurse at the Margaret Pyke centre where we went for counselling). The remark struck me as insensitive as he prepared to render my scrotal environs insensate, but I suppose he gave a good many local anaesthetics, all of them just little pricks, and relatively few prior to a vasectomy. “Just a little prick,” the doctor said as he concentrated on my freshly shaved genitalia. Men who wish to avoid the disorder would do well to cut down on alcohol, stop smoking, eat calcium- rich foods (milk, green vegetables, citrus fruits and sardines) and do weight-bearing exercises which stress the bones, such as tennis or walking.. “With men, it’s not that simple.”Because research has so far concentrated on women, few trials have been carried out into what may work for men.

But doctors are hopeful that etidronate, a non-hormonal drug that strengthens bone mass, may be useful. Alendronate (brand name Fosamax), launched as a “wonder drug” last September, may also be effective in men, although, like etidronate, it is at present only licensed for use by women.Dr Francis is also planning a study to find out if additional testosterone can halt bone loss, not only in men with a hormone deficiency but also in those with normal hormone levels.How does a man know if he has osteoporosis? Fracturing a bone after a minor bump or fall is often the first sign, while very fragile bones may break with a cough or an awkward stretch. Excess alcohol, lack of exercise and smoking raise the risk.But in nearly half of men with the disease, there is no known underlying cause – and no successful treatment so far.”With women, we know the reason, and we know that hormone replacement therapy can prevent osteoporosis,” says Rosie Rowe. In a further one in five, bone loss follows treatment with costicosteroid drugs, used increasingly in the treatment of conditions such as asthma and rheumatoid arthritis.