Furthermore just one more massacre at a temple and you’re off

Furthermore, just one more massacre at a temple and you’re off.”But it’s doubtful whether any of this is about economics at all. In one paper yesterday, there was a huge headline complaining: “Workshy British force boss to recruit Poles.” It turns out that a box-packing business can’t recruit staff, so they’ve had to hire 400 Poles. But isn’t Poland one of those countries from which hordes of migrants flock to lap up our over-generous benefits? But now it’s apparently the Poles who want to work and the British who are lazy. For example, on 10 June 1833 Thomas Macaulay said in the House of Commons: “The destinies of our Indian Empire are covered with thick darkness.

The sceptre may pass away from us.”
That day came in August 1947. Ellen MacArthur’s lucky she didn’t get 50 yards from British waters and find Charles Clarke there, waiting on a boat with immigration officials, announcing: “You can’t come in this country, love, we’re full up.”

From now to the election, Labour and the Tories will carry on competing for who can look toughest on immigration, as if they’re playing a party game The last of these contests was won by Blair The Tories said they’d keep all asylum-seekers in camps. So Labour said they’d cut all their benefits; the Tories came back with not letting them apply for jobs; then Blair said he’d take away their kids, at which point Howard put his hands up and said: “You’re too good for me mate, I can’t keep up with that.”
In response to the Tories’ “quota”, the Government has proposed that potential immigrants should be awarded points, to work out whether they’ll be an “economic benefit” to the country, and if they don’t score enough they won’t be allowed in. Next time you walk past a vibrant Pakistani market selling a flamboyant array of textiles, spices and mangoes, remember the real question is whether it could yield greater fiscal potential if it was turned into office space.Several countries may wish they’d been able to apply similar rules to the British, when we were keen on settling in foreign lands. So why not let him stay while he’s working, then deport him every Friday night until he’s willing to be a benefit again? After all, what are we – mugs?It could be argued that our society is enriched by immigrants, even when they’re not economic assets But apparently, that’s wrong. A Sri Lankan dentist may be a benefit while he’s working, but during the weekend he’ll borrow books from our libraries and cross the road at our pedestrian crossings and so on, proving an utter burden.

For example, at the moment there’s a shortage of tradesmen in London. So we should write to the Indonesian government, asking: “Would it be possible to torture around 200 plumbers, so that they might apply for asylum in our country where they would be able to mend our drains, and provide economic benefits.”We could probably be even more careful. Then they can make recommendations for deportation, based on who’s got a strong burden line.The plan seems to be that we’ll let someone in only if they’re a doctor, or can perform a trade we need So maybe we should start placing orders. Most of them will get Cowell snarling: “Call that carpentry? It’s pathetic. Get back to Burma, you deserve to be tortured.” But a lucky few would go through to a grand “Immigrant Idol” final, ending with a viewers’ poll to select the 12 that can stay.Because how do they know who’s going to be an “economic benefit”? Perhaps they’re planning to get one of Cherie Blair’s mates to stand at the immigration queue reading everyone’s palm. It would be fairer if they had to parade their skills before a panel of Sharon Osbourne, Geri Halliwell and Simon Cowell.

Sir: My father, a dairy farmer, has always worn shorts throughout the year because, he says, legs are easier to wash than trousers. Sir: May I support the head of history of York College (letter, 5 February) in opposing the attempt of the Government to impose upon our young people a politically biased history syllabus; and I agree with him that education should engender a critical faculty fit to appraise justly the accumulated wisdom of former generations. Sir: A case of blatant anti-Semitism? In the Property section of 9 February, Canford Cliffs Village is described as “gentile”. Georgian patients knew that Hunter might save their lives – but if he didn’t they would most likely end up on his dissecting bench and ultimately in his collection. Both are successful woman who don’t need to conform to any stereotypes and who are role models way beyond their gender. If only there were a few more of them in politics, the rest of the news wouldn’t have to read like a comic strip.. Sir: Maggie O’Farrell delightfully captured the ambivalent character of the 18th-century surgeon-anatomist John Hunter (Independent Magazine, 29 January).

We fully expect the Pope to come up with a special blessing, and I bet that ITV has already planned An Audience with Dame Ellen to follow the audience with I’m a Celebrity winner Joe Pasquale they are recording next week.For one glorious moment, Ellen MacArthur has shown us what it is to be superhuman, and I thank her. I accept that Ellen has one quality that will never endear her to a male-dominated press – let’s call it the Paula Radcliffe syndrome. But she must be trimmed down to size – the cast of Dead Ringers fill their shows with feeble parodies of our Queen of the High Seas, the tabloids speculate about whether she’ll return to her British bloke after all and, according to some writers, Ellen divides the nation.Of course, you and I know that all over the country ordinary people who do not earn their living writing balderdash salute her. We couldn’t care less that the logo of her sponsors B&Q is splashed all over her vessel, that she uses high-tech equipment, that she moans a lot, that she isn’t loveable and cuddly. We frankly couldn’t care less if Alistair Campbell has sent her an f… As if! Even the Daily Mail couldn’t resist comparing the fame of Dame Ellen with that of Pete Doherty and coming to the irrelevant conclusion that more young people will be following his trail in and out of the clinic doors than hers past the finishing line.But perhaps most churlish of all, The Guardian devoted a spread to chipping away at the idea Miss MacArthur is a living legend, someone whose achievement will be remembered for decades, by asking the question “why is Britain still ambivalent about Ellen MacArthur?” I didn’t know we were.